What Did We do Right?

If any of you have known one thing about me, it is probably that I love and have always loved children. Those of you who have known me longer, say my CMG or SMG friends, really know this is true. I began taking care of babies when I was just 13 years old and my niece was brought to our house at 3 days old and haven't stopped since. I have cared for babies days old on up. I even rode around town as a teen with a car seat in the back of my Honda as that is how often I was babysitting and even dreamt of the day I would drive a minivan as some sort of right of passage into motherhood. I have also cared for some children with special needs, Joanna born with Biliary atresia, who had to have a liver transplant at 12 months of age, never knowing that experience, along with many others, could one day prepare me for what I would face with my own child. I know I have been guilty of thinking I could never handle situations outside the 'norm' and almost getting too comfortable with the thought that God would never give me a child with special needs because I wasn't quite that good of a mom to handle, take care of and raise a special needs child. Yet here I sit with the same question running through my mind over and over again, what did I do right to deserve this precious child? Yes, you heard me, what did I do right? So many would look at this situation and ask just the opposite, a punishment of sorts for something they did wrong in the past. Viewing this challenge as a burden rather than a gift. It must happen all too often as we have heard from just about every one of Harper's nurses and doctors tell us how excited they are she will one day be going home with us. A loving and caring family who will always strive to give her the best life has to offer. I already have so much joy in my heart knowing I am that mama God sees as being just perfect to care for and raise Miss Harper Faye. I mentioned in the beginning following another friend's blog through her journey of adoption and thinking what an awesome calling that is and feeling like I could do that but knew I had not been called down that path. I thought it had to be such a special feeling to know God had chosen a very special child to come into their family even though he was literally born on the other side of the earth from Savannah, GA. I feel honored to be Hayden and Hadley's mama too but Harper is a gift inside of a gift that I never saw coming. She fills a place in my heart, I never even knew was empty until now. Do I know what the future holds for us, absolutely not, but I am open to anything now. As we all know, God doesn't call the equipt, He equipts the called. I have been called and I am answer that calling ready to learn all God has planned for the Askea family of 5.

We had another remarkable feeding today and lots of help too! She took 41ml from her bottle during her 2:00 pm feeding and I am sure it was part in partial to the wonderful toe tickling Mrs. Jennifer provided through her meal ;) The doctor came in and talked with us and ordered her to be removed from the lights this afternoon and for her feeding tube to be removed as well. They will continue to check her bilirubin for the next 48 hours along with her platelet count (which was up to 102, Yeah!). Tonight, I will be staying with her and she will be in an open crib which will be as close to normal as we have had since her birth. I can't wait but more so, I just want her home snuggled up next to us to forever smell those sweet smells and listen to those sweet sounds. I told Jacob it would take me a while to get accustomed to having her home and he said that is where the baby monitor would come in handy. I laughed and told him I wouldn't be needing a monitor as I was planning on just strapping her to me and wearing her for a month or so. Of course I am just being facetious but I probably will be a bit more nervous than I was bringing home Hayden and Hadley.