Informative and Theraputic

I am finding some of my blogs to be more informative and others more therapeutic. This one will be the latter. I was asked an interesting question yesterday...Did I 'regret' (my word not theirs) not finding out Harper was a candidate for Downs while pregnant. First of all, I try to live my life without regrets. I make the best decisions I am capable of and if it doesn't turn out as planned, I make different ones the next time but can only live in the present and plan for the future. We do ourselves no good living in or re-living the past. Philippians 3:13-14 So, I could honestly say no, I would not have done anything differently. I chose not to have the alpha fetoprotein test done while pregnant with both Hayden and Hadley and felt that was the best decision during this pregnancy as well. My doctor had very thoroughly explained the benefit of knowing the results of such test. She mentioned the ability to have the proper team of doctor's available at birth should there be any complications (i.e. heart defects) which would require immediate medical attention. I listened carefully but still determined it would be best if I did not go through with the test. In addition to what I felt was the best decision for myself and family, the accuracy of the test was enough to deter me from having it performed as well. I have heard many say they were given the probability of 1 out of 140+ odds of having a baby with Down's after taking the alpha fetoprotein test. What kind of odds are those? I think the odds of getting hit by a bus in a one stop light town are greater. We then found ourselves at the routine 20 week ultra sound. From that, we learned there was some swelling around the baby's skin and had to follow up with a perinatologist who, upon extensive examination, ruled out any complications, including Downs. What a relief, we thought, as no one wishes for there to be anything out of the norm for their baby, born or unborn. The lack of concrete identifying factors for Downs during that appointment, I believe, still proved to be a blessing. I have been known to over analyze situations, dwell on the what ifs and the unforeseen and research to the point where I become consumed with the possibilities and loose sight of reality. It would have done me more harm than good to have known Harper's diagnosis prior to birth. All of this background to really say, I hadn't 'planned' for anything to be any different than the other two births I had already experienced. When my doctor came over and began, in a very caring manner, rubbing my feet and legs to soothe me while explaining Harper's diagnosis, I immediately felt a calmness and peacefulness that could only come from God, which let me know right then and there, I could handle this. Out of everything that could have gone wrong, so much had gone right. I had already cast my eyes upon this beautiful baby who was my own and I loved her from minute one. So, no, having known Harper was going to have Down's earlier on, would have done me no good. I loved her and love her more and more each and every second she is with us. Of course the question was not asked as a measure of how much I would or do love her, it was more so asked from a preparation standpoint but either way, I hold firm in my decision and believe it was the right one for myself and family. This by no means should take the place of anyone elses process of arriving at the place they would need to be if facing the same situation. I am merely giving my my explanation and answer to the question asked.

While I have not allowed myself to begin researching every aspect of Down's at this stage in Harper's life, I am finding myself cringing at and offended by certain terminology associated with Trisomy 21. For example, the word disability. I would like to break this one down (yes, nerdy language major here). The prefix dis meaning not and ability meaning the quailty of being able to do something. When thinking about this word, it conjures up other terms such as in-ability, unable, lack of qualification and restricted. I can already see this is such a false persona of what a child with T21 is. Even at two weeks old, I can name so many things Harper CAN do. She is never going to be 'disable' to do anything her heart desires and I will be right there to help her every step of the way. Sure, we may need to get creative and think out side the box but how fun would life be if we all lived in black and white! Some may say I am living with rose colored glasses on, and even if I am, it sure does make the world a lot prettier place.